Baby Names
by BlackwolfBreen
Summary: One-shot based on Past Endeavors. Lauren decides to pull a prank on the others, much to Sirius' dismay.


Baby Names

"Soooo..." Lauren said over breakfast one bright morning. She eyed Sirius, who was shoveling toast into his mouth, not minding if a bit of jam dribbled out onto his chin. He was with his mates and since when did they ever care? Lauren ignored his messy eating and continued. "I was thinking. Don't you think it's time we starting thinking of names?"

Sirius paused and turned sideways to look at her, cheeks bulging as be barely managed a "Whaa--?"

There was a gleam in Lauren's eye, but nothing showed on her face, which held a very serious look. "Names. For our kids," she answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sirius swallowed and gave her a bewildered look, almost seeming as though he couldn't quite spit out the word "kids" even in question. James, Remus, and Rosemary all stared towards the two in front of them. "Must be some girl thing..." James muttered to Sirius. "No offense," He added after receiving an annoyed look from Rosemary.

Lauren raised her eyebrows. "Hey, Prongs, don't think that won't start happening to _you_ now that you're with Lily. Every girl does it at one point or another in a relationship." She glanced at Remus. "Don't be surprised if Rosemary starts suggesting names soon."

Rosemary, who had been drinking pumpkin juice at the time, found it hard not to spew it all over Lauren and instead inhaled some, resulting in a loud choking noise from her direction. Her face flushed a deep red and she looked ready to murder Lauren-- right after she finished dying. Remus, on the other hand, look shocked beyond words.

"Oops. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that, was I?" The Slytherin said, not sounding very sorry about the whole thing as she turned towards Sirius again. "And yes, I said 'kids'."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, almost dreading the thought of an answer.

"Well..." Lauren's voice trailed a bit before she continued. "Remember that one time when--"

Sirius looked horrified. "Are you trying to say--"

"Way to go, Padfoot!" James chuckled loudly, high-fiving the poor boy.

Lauren glared James' way. "I was saying... Remember that day when-- ohh, wait. You probably don't because you were-- and then--"

Sirius' face met his palm as he muttered something along the lines of "bloody... Merlin's beard, what did I do to deserve this?"

Remus suddenly grew a little stern, almost ignoring the still-struggling-to-breathe Rosemary as he leaned Sirius' way. "See what it gets you? I don't feel one bit sorry for you."

"So now we've got to pick out a name. One for a boy and one for a girl, just in case. Ohh, what if I have twins? Better just come up with all the names we can think of."

Sirius groaned, trying to bury himself in his hands as James laughed his head off. Remus glanced over at Lauren, who looked a bit amused at this whole ordeal. "Looks like you'll have your work cut out for you."

Rosemary, who was feeling a bit neglected at this point, finally finished coughing up her pumpkin juice long enough to get a grasp of the situation. "Ohh, Paddykins is going to be a daddy!" She looked a little more enthusiastic than Sirius would have liked anyone to be as she looked across at Lauren, completely forgetting what Lauren had just said about her. "You should name it after him: Sirius... Sirius something."

Lauren grinned, half ignoring James as he joked with a miserable-looking Sirius and Remus as he tried to assure Sirius that things weren't going to be as horrible as he assumed. "I was thinking something along the lines of Sirius Albus Scutio-Black. Or maybe just Sirius Albus Black."

Sirius gave her a sideways glance through his fingers. "You're giving it my last name? And you're naming it after me?" There was a pause. "And why are you naming it after our Headmaster?"

Lauren looked appalled. "Of course, dear! Why wouldn't I name it after my two favorite guys? I mean, what else would I call it: Scruffy McPaddykins Snivellus Potter?"

James snickered, obviously not catching the 'Potter' bit. Or the 'Snivellus' bit, for that matter. "McPaddykins. I like it."

"But I don't even remember _doing_ anything! We never got _that_ far---"

"Woah, woah, woah..." Rosemary waved her hands at him. "You're going a little too far there, Padfoot. Let's just... keep it at the Teen rating, shall we?"

But Mister Potter had other ideas. "Well," He jabbed Sirius. "Since you've already done the deed and you're going to be doing the time soon, why not have another go and make it one you'll remember this time? If you forgot, it obviously wasn't enough last time--"

Rosemary leaned behind Remus and smacked James, looking a bit disgusted. "Thanks. I'm not very hungry anymore. No offense, Lauren, Sirius."

They, of course, hadn't taken any offense. Sirius pushed his plate towards James. "I don't think I'm too hungry anymore either."

Lauren glared at James, but decided to exact her revenge in a different manner than Rosemary had chosen. "What shall we name _your_ baby? Bambi Rudolph Evans-Potter?" Perhaps not the best come-back, for James didn't look in the least bit offended. He looked almost as though he was considering the thought of an Evans-Potter child coming into existence.

She looked now at Rosemary, who laughed at the thought of a 'Bambi Rudolph'. "What about you? Moonbeam Barky DiNozzo-Lupin... or maybe Romulus O'Biteyface DiNozzo-Lupin?" That shut Rosemary up, who didn't seem to want to make any sort of eye contact with Remus.

"I think..." Sirius said, face looking a bit pale. "I think I'm going to the common room to... think things over. See you lot later." With that he stepped off his seat, followed closely by James, who seemed ready to continue milking this situation for all it was worth. Remus followed as well, seemingly a bit unnerved at the thought of a miniature version of Sirius and Lauren combined terrorizing the school.

Seeing that they were alone now, Rosemary leaned forward towards Lauren. "Are you really--"

"What?" Lauren asked. "No, I'm just messing with them."

The Ravenclaw's jaw dropped a few seconds before she burst into laughter. "Are-- Are you going to-- t-tell them--" She asked between laughs.

"Nope.They can figure it out on their own."


End file.
